why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
