Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
