Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
