Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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