my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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