i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
