I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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