Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
