Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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