Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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