for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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