i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
