remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize