Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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