My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
