Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
