my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
