And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
