I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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