You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
