Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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