Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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