Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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