Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
