you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
