So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
