totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
