I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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