I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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