I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
