i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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