Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
