i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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