We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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