Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
