I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
