Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”