just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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