I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
