bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
