Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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