I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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