Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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