I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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