I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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