I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
