i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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