You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
