I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
