i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
