one two three fourrrrnication!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
