ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
