that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I deserve this hangover.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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