That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
