We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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