I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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