your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
