The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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