i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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