I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
