Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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