i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
