Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
