That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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